Farewell

Oh the good times...what fun!  The people in my life are so precious to me. There is no other way to express how I feel about each of them.  I love the times that several of us gather together and I also love the one on one times as well.  Friends, and of course, my dear family, are the reason my life is so rich.   I love with all of my heart and I am blessed that God continues to fill my days with people who love being with me.  Smiles and tears, hopes and fears when shared with someone who care, are indeed priceless.  

Five years ago I didn't know any of the people in the photo above, other than Hubby of course.  I thought my family and long time friends, some reaching back to childhood, completely filled my heart.  How then, do I find room for all the people I now know in Florida?  How is it that so many new people can fit into my heart?  It is just quite amazing wouldn't you say?

As wonderful as relationships can be, now today the time has come to say good-bye. Hugs have been shared. Time and distance will separate us as Hubby and I head to the airport and transportation to all the good times waiting in our northern home.

Saying goodbye is oftentimes bittersweet. I plan to see all of these dear folks again as I travel back and forth.  So why then is it so difficult to say good-bye? I suppose the answer may be two-fold.  Not seeing dear ones day by day causes a definite loss even though phones and computers help keep us connected. Secondly, I know that it reminds me that the time will come when I say good-bye to someone for the final time.  As I have learned, living in a senior community, this may indeed happen and happen unexpectedly. 

I suppose saying good-bye to Virginia just last week makes me think twice as I say my farewells today.  Do you think she knew when she left the card table that night that she would never see me again?  Do you think her gentle sweet spirit connected with mine for just a moment as she placed her hand on my cheek and gave me an endearing look when she said good-night?  

I have lost eight of my Florida friends in the past five years and so when I leave my good-bye always says so much more than just so long...It says...

...I hope I will see you again.
...I always smile when I think of you.
...You are important to me.
...My life has more meaning because of you.
...Please take good care of yourself.
...I will never forget you.
...Thank you for being you.
...You are in my prayers.
...I love you.

I am heading home to hellos and hugs and kisses from my family and especially from these little girls.  I am grateful for my two-part life.  It is indeed rich!  I am blessed to have my two worlds and as long as I have so many people to love I am going to keep on loving when we are together and when we are apart.  And some day when we say that ultimate good-bye the joy we shared will far outweigh the pain of loss we must experience.

Good-bye, until we meet again.

Agoo

Every newborn is an absolute miracle!  The delicate pure skin, the eyes that can search your soul and the first sounds of communication are always amazing. Even though I have observed many babies before, I am in awe around newborns.

When the newborn happens to be my grandchild, the love immediately flows between us.  And this was the case when I met my fifth grandchild, Michael. In total joy, I gazed at him and marveled at the perfection.  Having traveled some 7000 miles to see him, I thanked God for this beautiful gift of life...and for another addition to our family.  

During the normal process of development, somewhere in the second to third months of life, Michael began to say, "agoo."  Now, I know that every baby, everywhere in the world says agoo, but what made this sound so special to me was the delight it elicited in his parents.  

Michael's parents were indeed happy and proud to tell me how he could make the sound with different intonations.  Indeed, during his recent visits, he said the word often and we all laughed, mimicked the sound and cheered him on with his communications skills.

I was taken back to 1976 when I was a first-time mother.  I remember the pure joy of each day I felt with my child (Michael's daddy).  Every detail, every feature of this little creature was the focus of my entire waking time.  The shape of his mouth, eyes and ears were detailed in my mind as I stared and stared at this little person in my arms.  I was fascinated too with his early language--agoos with many different tones.  Although tired and sleep-deprived, I was convinced that my child was truly the most amazing thing in the world. 

There is such a freshness in parenthood with the first child!  I enjoyed immensely watching Michael's parents enjoy him, just as I happily reflected on my memories of being a young parent.

The memories of my children saying agoo brought a smile to my face as little Michael visited us and frequently "talked" to us.  It made me remember how special that little sound is.  

Yes, I think Michael is just perfect.  I understand him well.  His agoo means:

     I love you.
     
       Thank you for taking care of me.

     Thanks for being patient with me.

     Thanks for loving me unconditionally.

     Thank you for feeding me, wiping my face, laying me down, picking me up,         changing my clothes, putting my hat on, taking my hat off, changing my           diaper, bathing me, keeping me warm, keeping me cool, singing me                   songs, and so much more. 

Yes, I will miss Michael's language now that he has gone back home, but I think I will forever remember the great discussions we had in the very early months of his life.

Mister Michael, Grandma promises to listen to you always...whether you speak in words or not.  I love you!

Friendship

Amazingly the tears dropped from my eyelids once the right question was asked.  Totally sheltered by the circle of friends who knew everything about me for some thirty-five years, i cried.  The round table at Panera's became my safe place on a Saturday morning.

Friendship is one of life's most amazing gifts!  The people who choose to know me, accept me, love me and encourage me are priceless, and in fact I can't imagine my life without them.

When I began crying in the restaurant, my five friends gathered at the table with me needed no explanation.  They had been walking hand in hand with me for decades and knew the depth of my distress, the source of my anxiety and the challenges I face without my having to go into detail.  Knowing the entire person is one of the best features of true friendship.  No pretense is needed.  No phony smiles are required.  To be oneself, totally vulnerable, and yet totally sheltered in the arms of another, is the essence of friendship.

Of course, friendship is also tremendous when things are going just great too!  The smiles, the stories, the laughter, the shared memories are precious and indeed carry me along through life.  And the longer we live, the more memories there are to keep us going and I find that I treasure these precious girlfriends more than ever and I cherish my time with them.

Pictured above are the dear girls who shared the table at Panera's with me.  They along with other special women have known me for a long time.  Pictured below is my childhood girlfriend and although we have only seen each other twice as adults, the moment we are together we are profoundly connected and still share many common interests. 

I am also blessed to have new girlfriends when I winter in Florida.  Although I have not known them nearly as long, we already have a kinship.  It seems that women just know how to care about each other.  In that caring, which seems to come so naturally, is an intensity that touches the soul.

The lyrics of the song I learned as a Brownie Girl Scout come to mind often:  Make new friends, but keep the old.  One is silver and the other gold. I find the song to be so true and I find that each of my friends, old or new, add such a wealth to my life.  They are indeed a priceless treasure.

And so to each of you girls, and you know who you are, I extend so much gratitude that you cannot even hold it all. I am sending it to you each time we write, each time we talk and each time we see each other so you will never ever be empty.  You will know that I am there for you when life is good or when life is tragic.  I love you for being you...and I love you for knowing me!

Perspective

When I was a young girl growing up in a loving family, I thought that 65 sounded very very old.  Now that I am 65 I think it sounds pretty young.

When I was young I thought that 90 sounded ancient and almost unachievable by most people.  Now that my mother is 90, I realize it is attainable and indeed marvelous to comprehend that I too could reach that age.

Perspectives change.

I find it interesting to think of how my children see me now through the eyes of young adults aged 23 through 37. 

Most of the time we are good friends and age is seemingly not important although there might be some joking about age now and then.  We seem to enjoy each other and I relate pretty well to each of these four special people and the four additional people who they have come to love.

What I find, now that I am Social Security age, is that on occasion one or another of my offspring uses the word, "should" when speaking to me and I know that their advice is coming to me whether asked for or not.  It is on these occasions that I say a silent prayer asking for patience.

You see, I feel that I still have all my faculties intact and therefore I do not need lessons on what food I should have in my kitchen or how I should feel about this or that.  I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions and thus I usually bristle inside when I find myself in this situation.  My defensive attitude rises and I begin to think that my children see me as old and addled.  

Once I can reflect on comments I often try to disassociate who told me what to do and think on whether the advice was sound or not.  It is indeed an effort for me to do this silent evaluation but it is worthwhile.  Often I realize I raised smart, caring kids and their thoughtful analysis is correct or at least worth consideration.

My response gives me an idea of how my mother must feel now when I tell her to wear her boots in the snow or use her cane.  My comments generally come from a good place in my heart and I am concerned with her safety, but perhaps she feels as I do when my kids use the "You should" approach with me.

Ultimately I suppose that I could just relax on receiving advice from my children and giving advice to my mother.  I guess there is nothing wrong with sound information flowing from generation to generation as long as the suggestions are given in love.

Perspectives change--for all of us--and I suppose my children are not too old to also take a few "You should"s from me once in a while too.

Sunshine

Have you ever experienced one of those moments when you felt as if sunshine was pouring into your heart?  Happiness then overflowing to all of your senses, your day continued in a glorious haze of light and joy.

Yesterday was such a day for me.  

Everything I did, mundane or otherwise, caused giggles in my soul.  The joy I was experiencing rubbed off on each person with whom I communicated.  One of my friends even suggested that God was spoiling me.  I happily agreed and accepted that I have been truly blessed.

Such exquisite days help me have hope.  Such golden days keep me going when times can be a bit difficult or when pain undermines the sublime that would fill my heart.  

My computer screen transported me somewhere over the rainbow yesterday and I am filled with color and love and amazement and gratitude.

May tomorrow be such a day for you.

Dreamer

What do you dream, my little dear?  

Will my Mommy always be near?

  And will my Daddy shelter me?

Will big sister always see

How much I trust her to be

Loving and giving and caring of me?

Will the world be kind to us

As a brave new family we will be?

Will joy accompany all we do?

And harmony be the song we sing

As living together love we bring?

Will days be warm and filled with sun?

Will bumps be soft and rain be light?

Will hurts be few and learning bright?

Will fireflies play in the evening grass

As butterfly kisses whisper from me?

Will happiness fall over me

While tickles and bubbles cover me?

Will surprises be fun and rainbows near?

Will blankets snuggle away any pain

And will Grandma's cheek be soft for me?

Will angels all around me fly

While God in heaven smiles wide?

Will marvels and miracles fill my days

As I live and learn and love

And giggle and kiss and coo?

What do you dream, my little dear?

Circles

Have you ever played with shaving cream smeared on a table?  It is fun--especially with a small child.  The happy interest, the joy of trying something you have never tried before, the delighted squeals, the delicious feel when squeezing your fingers together all added to my grandson's excitement when we played together this summer...

...THIS SUMMER.  Oh my, this summer when so many life events collided into each other at a such a rapid pace.  In more or less chronological order:

                         --announcement of grandchild # 4 on the way
                         --hosting a wedding shower
                         --daughter beginning a new job
                         --guests arriving from several corners of the world
                         --the birth of grandchild # 3 in Texas
                         --a surprise 90th birthday party
                         --a daughter's wedding
                         --babysitting a seven-year-old for nine days
                         --a trip to Texas to help with a new baby
                         --losing my dear sweet Aunt to that awful cancer
                         --a mini-vacation to Michigan with girlfriends
                         --a daughter & her family moving in for an extended stay

And it is only mid August!  Yes, the events, when placed in a list, sound so simple and straight-forward and for the most part are happy occasions.  However, if you could read between the lines you would find lots of details, lots of emotions and lots of stress interwoven throughout.

Well, well, well--so living life is hard work.  Is that my conclusion? 

Oh wait, did I forget all the joy that filled the circle of my life this summer? 

--holding that newborn baby and smelling his sweet head 
--watching my daughter glowing with happiness on her wedding day 
--baking cookies to fill a new mom's freezer 
--feeling hugs and more hugs as friends and family came into our home
--gazing at the ultrasound and finding out "It's a girl"
--having a child come home
--cherishing memories of a life well lived
--unwinding in the arms of friends who know my heart
--being missed by people who love me
--observing the building of a wagon by Grandpa and his little guy
--sharing days of childhood joys with a precious child
--seeing my new son-in-law welcoming my "baby" girls into his heart
--loving conversations with the dear ones in the "Greatest Generation"
--watching the delight of children seeing fireflies for the very first time
                                                and
--an unexpected kiss on the cheek at the end of an exhausting day

This summer has been amazing!  I know that time will mold it into memories that are so intertwined it will be difficult to sort through them.  I will never forget it and as time goes by I hope that the satisfaction of wonderful relationships with family and friends is the overwhelming theme. 

The table pictured above, in a parsonage in a tiny town in Texas, served as a play area as well as an eating area.  One of the first evenings that we sat down together to eat as a family after meeting our new grandchild, we joined hands to ask a blessing on the food.  All of a sudden, my little three-year-old grandson said, "It's a circle!"  He was clever enough to see that even at a rectangular kitchen table, a circle was formed when his family held hands together. 

His sweet innocent comment has been in my mind ever since.  Yes, he is correct, each family makes a circle.  Also, if I were to sum up my world, I would have to use the image of a circle--filled with a never-ending kaleidoscope of events and people and feelings.  This summer was exhausting in so many ways, but it was also a true delight enriched with so many characters.  I thank God for the grace that brought me through and the peace I feel as I wait to see what tomorrow brings.

I am so glad your circle bumped into mine this summer.