Perseverance

Having received the telephone call that my niece had been injured in a serious automobile accident, the shock of the news hit very hard and questions swirled in my head.  What happened?  How bad?  Will she recover?  Is her pain contolled?  Thoughts came rushing in of a little girl newly arrived in this country and of days spent watching her with her new mommy and daddy.  The words "ice' catte" came to my mind.  "Ice cream" from the mouth of the tiny Korean child were words we heard over and over as we spent days together sight-seeing in southern California.  Then tears came to my eyes as I thought of her mommy and daddy right now and how their hearts must be breaking.  I thought of a beautiful,  lively, sweet, smart, wonderful young woman just starting out in life...and the tears wouldn't stop. 

As the days passed, between talking things over with the Lord and hearing updates of Julee's condition, I began to ask myself how I could help my niece. Four hours of driving would bring me to her bedside, but what then? I realized that perhaps the best gift I could give might be some words of wisdom learned through years of surgeries and hospitalizations. Maybe my experiences could give hope and expertise which only I could give. So Julee, here goes...

As trite as it may sound, remember that "this too shall pass."  No matter how intense the current situation is, it will change and improve over time.

While in the hospital, do not hesitate to ask for anything you may need including, but not limited to: medication for pain, help in doing things, having each and every question answered, etc.

Also be sure to follow all medical advice.  There is a reason for everything.  Trust the doctors and do what they say.

It is okay to be sad and angry.  If these emotions hit, then welcome them and don't be afraid of them.  Once acknowledged, let them go as you are able.  God understands all of our feelings.  He designed us to be emotional, feeling people.

On the other hand, look for joy every day.  You may find it where you least expect it.

Allow people to minister to you.  It is a gift to let people help you.  Everyone wants to know what they can do.  It is not a burden for them to be there for you--rather a joy that helps them too.

Pain will be your companion for a while.  It is actually there to help you know how to set limits.  It is also there to make you strong.  Listen to it, but also use whatever methods you can to overcome it including medication, relaxation techniques, distractions and always, always prayer.

As you may hear over and over, "take one day at a time."  It may be overused advice, but it is definately true that sometimes, moment by moment, is the only way to keep going.

If you ever start to worry about your future, remember that none of us in any situation knows the future.  Worry is fruitless.  God will be with us whatever we have to face, so try to rest in that.  I know it is easier said than done, but try--and I will too.

Accept what your body is telling you.  If it tells you to rest, then rest.  If it tells you to eat....well, you get the picture.

Find things to laugh about.  No doubt your family and friends will be there to help you with that.  It is good too, to laugh about the things that don't go just right because, as I have learned repeatedly, it is one of the best tools to see you through.

Try not to ask "WHY?" in the philisophical sense that is.  There really is no answer as to why things happen the way they do.  This is one I have learned over many years and many times of asking why.  Now, I just don't allow myself to go there.

Keep on keepin' on.  Perhaps another overused phrase, but sound advice nonetheless.  Don't give up, even on the days you might want to.

My mantra for many years has focused on acceptance.  "It is what it is" applies to many things in life.  For me, I try to accept what is and trust that God will see me through.  I have found that it is just too easy for bitterness to grow otherwise.

And finally, even though it may be difficult to realize at this moment, understand that all you are going through is making you into the person God wants you to be.  Your experiences will open doors of understanding and empathy that you may never have cultivated in any other way.

Keep living and loving and trying and hoping....and know that your Aunt Linda loves you....along with so many, many others who are hoping and praying for your speedy and complete recovery.

Keep building.  I know you will make beautiful things.

Mother-in-Law

Dear, sweet, innovative, loving, beautiful, creative, giving, crafty, thrifty, serving, fun-loving, nurturing, thoughtful!

enjoying life...

enjoying family...

enjoying friends...

and enjoying cooking for everyone... 

I could go on and on with descriptions of Sylvia, my mother-in-law.  She loved and accepted me from the first day we met in Oak Lawn when my very specical college boyfriend brought me home to meet his parents.  And now forty years later, she is gone.  But, oh the memories we have of those years--years that might not have been.  Mom had been told, prior to my ever meeting her that she was likely not going to live a long life due to a medical condition.  I have to say that I am blessed, all of these years later, to acknowledge how glad I am that the doctors were wrong.

Thank you God for giving me a second mom for all of these years!

What would my life have been without "Mom"?  Yes, you see, I never called her Sylvia or Syl.  From very early on, I called her Mom--without hesitation.  Planning my wedding included shopping for dresses with two moms, choosing the details of the ceremony and reception with two moms, sharing the fun of several wedding showers with two moms.  This photo was taken at my wedding shower at Aunt Ethel's house.  Surrounded by my two Moms, I could not have been happier.  We were young and beautiful then and could even sit down on the floor together!


The memories come flooding in of so many times we shared. 

My mother-in-law loved to cook...or...let's see...that could be better stated...   My mother-in-law loved to show her love by feeding people.  There was never a time, even this year when we went to Florida for Dad's memorial service, that she did not put food on the table as soon as we walked into the house.  It was her way of saying, "I care."  Throughout the years she tried an endless number of recipes and made up hundreds of her own. 

Mom was always on a diet.  Yes, for the past forty years that I knew her, she was always on a diet.  When I first met her, she was a member of Weight Watchers and thus she taught me some very unique cooking methods.  Weight Watcher brownies were unique indeed!  We all fought the extra pounds off and on throughout the years--in theory at least!

When you opened Mom's refigerator, it was always full!  There were numerous containers and one never knew what she had stored in each one--even when you opened a container--there was still that question--"I wonder what mom has stored in here?"  Incredibly though, she could open several of those containers and make a marvelous meal.  Her culinary skills proved truly creative and amazingly delicious!


No story-telling of mom's culinary creativeness is complete without the story of the Thanksgiving sweet potatoes.  Mom brought the baked dish for the festive dinner and we noticed symmetrical rows of black dots across the top of the casserole.  Upon asking her about them, Mom proceeded to tell us that she had kept the Easter Peeps in the freezer and had used them as the marshmallow topping.  We realized that the black dots were the eyes of the Peeps!  I don't know how many times that story has been told, but it never ceases to make us laugh--and it never ceases to make us love Mom, and her ways, all the more.


Mom loved people.  Wherever she went throughout her life, she made many friends.  She loved doing things together with others and never hesitated in lending a helping hand or bringing a pie to share.  As I have recently sorted through many pictures from her life as a young woman, I can see how much she loved life and enjoyed her family and friends from a very early age.  She came from a large, loving, exuberant family and she always had a smile on her face.


Flea markets and antique shopping became a part of my life when I entered my husband's family.  Mom and Dad were at the height of their interest in buying and selling stuff.  I enjoyed learning the craft, but never liked the work involved with setting up and breaking down a booth at a flea market.  I admired their seemingly limitless energy and enthusiasm.  I learned alot and enjoyed the times I observed and shared in their hobby.  Mom enjoyed dolls, just as I did and she was able to teach me many things about doll collecting.  She also generously gifted me with many dolls throughout the years.


Mom enjoyed nothing better throughout her life than finding a good deal.  And I must admit that she passed that trait along to her son, my hubby, and her granddaughter, my oldest daughter.  It is a marvelous trait--to be able to use money wisely--and it benefitted the family I am sure.  Shopping at a resale shop became a fun outing and was a new experience for me. Her thriftiness was apparent as she shopped for clothing, food and gifts.  During the later years, it seemed that the thrill of the find was even more important than the ultimate financial benefit. Quite a collection of food items were eventually stored (and perhaps never used--or certainly not used within the appropriate expiration dates.)


Christmas gifts from Mom and Dad were always unique.  Ask my children about their memories.  The fun was always wondering what bargain item Grandma had found during her many outings.  The gifts created so many smiles, even though they were seldom useful or wearable by "our standards" but we all loved them nonetheless.  Mom always made sure that we all had a nice monetary gift to go along with the unique bargain gifts she had found.  She enjoyed making people happy.

In spite of warnings in recent years of the ill effects of exposure to the sun, Mom loved being outside, by the pool, getting as much sun as possible.  She wore swimsuits, shorts, tank tops and flip flops well into her nineties.  Mom's skin had a deep tan and lots of freckles once she lived in Florida.  She also loved the beach, the ocean and collecting shells.   


Mom loved her grandchildren and great-grandchildren and found so much pride in each of them.  She and Dad enjoyed being a part of the lives of the kids as much as time and place would allow.  For our kids that meant that many holidays were shared with all four grandparents as both families got along so well and loved time spent together. Now that three of the grandparents are gone, I realize even more what we all had for so many years.  All were blessed with family love and encouragement.


I began this post in early November quite soon after Mom's passing, but could not finish it until now.  Time has blessedly begun its healing process and my reflections are not filled with so much pain now--rather they are colored by this morning's January brightness.  Love and joy and happy tears fill me today as I remember with love the gift I was given when God gave me a second mom to love.

Happy New Year in heaven! I hope you and Dad are walking hand in hand today and enjoying each other as much as you were when this photo was taken many years ago.

I love you and thank you for all the love you left behind for all of us!