Grandma

 

Ethel Mildred Papik was married to Albert August Witter on October 5th, 1921.  I, their second grandchild, was born on their twenty-sixth wedding anniversary.  This coincidence of dates always made me feel special.  But then again, my Grandma Witter always made me feel special.   

She lived to see me grow to adulthood, marry and become a mother.  She held and loved my first three children before she passed away on Christmas Day 1980.  She absolutely loved Christmas and it seems right that she arrived in heaven on that day.

Anyone who knew my mother, Eileen, my Uncle Joe or my Aunt Jolene know that even though economic times were difficult early in their marriage, Millie and Albert raised three strong people!  Devout Christians, and dynamic, loving family people, the Witter's and their children left an impact on the world as well as in my heart and the hearts of many.

My Grandpa Witter passed away on New Year's Day 1959 when I was eleven years old.  He was deeply loved and admired and in the prime of his career working for the Illinois Central Railroad.  He had just left our home in Nebraska days earlier to return to work when he suffered a massive heart attack in Gibson City, Illinois.  Grandma was staying with us a few extra days and was in fact helping my mother pack away the Christmas tree decorations when the phone call came in.  I knew Grandma loved Grandpa immensely and the sounds she made when she heard of his passing told me just how much.  There are some things one never forgets!  I am reminded of their great love each year when I pack away the holiday decorations.

Now, as a grandmother myself, I can say that all of the thoughts of my grandparents are happy ones.  I loved them perfectly, even though they were not perfect.  I can only pray that my grandchildren will remember me the same way.

My husband and I coincidentally settled in the same community as my widowed grandmother when as a young married couple we drove to visit her and found model homes on display.  On a cold, snowy February day we toured a house built on speculation in a new subdivision and made an offer that day.  We loved living close to Grandma, as well as near Aunt Jolene and her family, as we made our first house into a home. 

Grandma Witter was a great listener.  In fact I believe that is the quality I loved most about her, even though she was talented in many other ways as well.  When I was pregnant with my first child I attended LaMaze classes and shared the information with my grandma.  She listened carefully as I was so excited to tell her every detail about managing labor!  After my son was born, following a lengthy labor and unmedicated birth, I told Grandma all about the experience.  I will never forget when she said to me then, "I wanted to tell you it would hurt honey".  She always listened carefully and her advice, if given, was supportive and expressed in love.  As she saw me with my three babies over the following four years, she listened to all of my ideas on breastfeeding and child rearing.  As we talked together, she would tell me what she knew also.  Conversations always flowed easily because I had learned from an early age from her about respect, love and trust.

In earlier years when I was a child, growing up in Nebraska, I spent weeks during the summer in Kankakee, Illinois visiting my grandparents.  Sometimes my grandparents took me to their home on a long road trip.  This was prior to the Interstate Highway system and I remember how loving and respectful they always were with each other.  Other times, my Grandma would take me to or from her house on the train.  Because she had employee rail passes we would have our own private sleeping compartment.  This, of course, was a great adventure and such a special time together.

I loved these summers with my grandparents!  My Grandma always took my downtown to buy me a new pair of shoes.  I would visit the hotel restaurant, the Alden's beauty salon and the Merle Norman makeup studio with her.  Of course we would stop at the train depot and visit Grandpa at work also.  Every Sunday the three of us drove to St. Paul's Lutheran Church near the depot and attended worship service together.  Then we would go to a nearby drugstore, and while my grandparents had coffee and chatted with friends, I could explore the store.

My Grandma shared many of her talents with me.  She taught me to sew, both by hand embroidery and on her treadle Singer sewing machine.  I learned to make samplers to hang on the wall and give as gifts as well as learned garment construction.  She taught so easily and gently as she made learning fun.  My Grandma Witter was an amazing cook and baker!  She taught me many tips in the kitchen.  We would oftentimes eat in the living room on tv trays, however each tray was nicely presented and filled with a balanced homemade meal.  I still use the handwritten recipe book she gave me as a wedding gift.  

After Grandpa passed away my visits remained a very special part of my summers.  Grandma taught me how to keep a house neat and do a job well.  She even taught me a little poem to that effect. Her bed was made each morning and the dirty dishes never lingered long in the sink.  At one point later in her life she had fallen and broken her hip. After her recovery she required one shoe made a bit taller to accommodate her uneven gait.  I don't ever remember hearing her complain.  Acceptance came easily to her as she trusted God to help her through life.  My Grandma Witter was beautiful inside and out.  She always had her hair done nicely, her "face on" and wore a dress, hose and shoes every day.  The days the "Avon Lady" visited were special. Grandma and I played many games and loved our Canasta challenges.  She had a small bookshelf at the end of her couch and I enjoyed reading the Reader's Digest Condensed stories.  I watched the first Happy Days episode with her.  Grandma always stayed up on the current news of the day and I learned to respect the importance of journalism.  I became good friends with the girls my age who lived on either side of Grandma's house.  We played together often and were allowed to visit the brand new shopping mall together several streets away.  After it rained we could splash barefoot in the water that ran down the street near the curb.  At the end of each day I would sleep next to Grandma and as we said goodnight we always prayed The Lord's Prayer together. 

While a teenager, after my family moved to Illinois, I saw my Grandma more frequently.  I so enjoyed seeing her with my younger cousins.  She taught me how to love young children and that as a grandparent it was okay to spoil them just a bit.  Her youngest grandchild, Michael, could ask Grandma to make pancakes any time of day and she would happily do it for him. Also during these years the three families would gather together at Grandma's house for holidays.  I so enjoyed these gatherings and time with my aunts and uncles and older cousins too.  Christmas was the most special occasion and Grandma insisted on making the entire meal herself.  In her latter years she made sequined ornaments for each family member as well.  We exchanged gifts, took pictures, ate a grand meal and played games.  Christmas meant family time at Grandma's and everyone looked forward to it!

Now that I am a 73 year old grandmother I think of Grandma Witter at specific times.  When I am sewing on black fabric I am reminded of how she would tell me how difficult this task was.  At the time I couldn't understand, but now my old eyes do indeed understand.  When she would get in the car to drive I would wait patiently for her to remove her glasses and put on her prescription sunglasses.  Now I do the same thing when I get in the car.  There was a specific side street path she would take to avoid turning left on Kennedy Drive without a stoplight.  I do the same thing.  I too have a grandson named Michael.  I don't believe I have made pancakes for him other than at breakfast time, however, he, along with his nine cousins, know that Grandma would do just about anything for any one of them.  And when it is Christmastime, gathering together with family seems like the perfect, most comforting, loving, busy culmination of the year.  

Other than these specific times when I remember Grandma Witter, I do believe she is also softy woven into the fabric of who I am.  Unwavering faith and trust in God; expressive and unconditional love for every family member; understanding current events and the world; having moral values, patience, kindness and respect; spending time with and valuing young children: fostering independence and wise decision making as children grow; enjoying travel; keeping a clean house; overcoming adversity and loss; perseverance and logic; love and respect for people outside of family;  enjoyment of books and games; understanding that listening carefully is the most important aspect of conversation; creativity and hospitality; limiting unsolicited advice giving; respecting traditions and family gatherings: are all gifts my Grandma Witter gave to me by living her simple, ordinary, extraordinary life.

Grandma was born one hundred and twenty years ago and has now been gone for forty years.  In five days her daughter, my mother, has been gone for one year.  Here I am to carry on.  Here I am to love and care for my husband, my children, my grandchildren, my friends and yes, my fellowman, known and unknown.  God gave me two amazing women to show me the way.  I am forever grateful for His many gifts, and in His strength I carry on the great traditions and ideals set before me.  

Grandma Witter your love lives in me and I will pass it along to those who come after me.

Unknown

Walking along a sunlit forest path, you have no idea when a tree branch strewn across the path might knock you off your feet causing a painful sprain to your ankle or a scrape to your knee, or when storm clouds might suddenly fill the sky and burst forth with an unknown downpour drenching you.  Or even worse yet, one really doesn't know if a cliff awaits off to one side of the path and as your shoe hits loose rocks, you may completely lose your footing and tumble head over heals down a mountainside and find yourself trapped with a major injury or even worse.  On the other hand, one's journey through the forest may be refreshing to the body and soul, with beautiful vistas to be seen and contemplated. Or you might find a contentment of fulfilling exercise goals and spending quality time with someone special walking alongside you.  Perhaps, nature at it's best intrigues you and taking in plant and animal life gives you satisfaction.  Although you think you know where you are heading and what to expect, no one actually knows for certain where the path will lead or what obstacles might arise.  Oftentimes we cannot control the unknowns we come across.  Usually though we can control our response and learn from the adventure wherever it takes us.  We can also find joy where we least expect to find it.

One year ago this week I was at the airport waiting to embark on an amazing adventure.  I was taking an unaccompanied "path" to Japan, followed by a trip to Thailand and Vietnam.  Following this trip to the other side of the world I was looking forward to returning home and celebrating the Fall and Winter holidays, a family Christmas, and a happy 2020.  My family and myself were all in good health and two new grandchildren were on the way to joining our family.  Hubby and I were enjoying our retirement as well as making plans for a cruise vacation and future travel together.  You could say I was literally on top of the world as I flew over Alaska and Russia on my way to Japan.  My path looked straight and clear.

Overjoyed to be with my daughter and her family in Japan, we reconnected as we awaited the birth of her fifth child and my ninth grandchild.  With the birth of a beautiful healthy baby in early October we were overjoyed.  Two days later our joy was dampened, for while celebrating my birthday we received news that my mother had suffered a serious brain bleed and was not expected to survive.  And thus our grieving as a family, residing in three countries, began, and my path changed unexpectedly.  I headed home early away from my daughter and her hubby, the sweet new baby and his four darling siblings, totally missing my vacation time planned in Thailand and Vietnam with my son and his family.  I arrived home after my mother had passed but in time to plan her funeral and host out of town family. The following week I was present as she was laid to her rest during a trip for Hubby and me to her burial place next to my dad.  Several days after our return, on October 31st an early snow covered our Midwestern town and perhaps we could have seen the unusual snowfall as a reminder that nothing is for certain and anything can happen.  The path, so filled with hope and promise in September, had been rocky indeed.

2020 arrived with all the hope each new year brings.  I celebrated New Year's Day at home with three of my children and their families before taking my son to the airport the following day.  He and his family flew home to Thailand and I looked forward to seeing them later in the year when they returned for their annual visit.  Of course now we know that being together again remains unknown.  The world is a different place and circumstances and travel restrictions have changed for everyone.  

As 2020 continued we all soon began the terrifying slide down the analogous mountainside.  For me, even before Covid-19 had spread to the entire USA, I faced an emergent illness and hospital stay, a cancer scare and surgical procedure and the death of my dear aunt, who was laid to rest in February. Shortly thereafter the shutdown began. 

Six months ago, on March 14th, Hubby and I went shopping in a store, got a haircut and picked up food from Applebees.  That's the last time we have done any of those things.  Other than necessary doctor and dental appointments, we have sheltered in place with time for local family visits planned in advance with all involved cooperating with social distancing.  This is our personal choice and we respect that others have made different choices.  Our new normal includes shopping online, picking up groceries in the trunk of our vehicle and experimenting with home haircuts.  With avoiding restaurants and fast food venues, we have learned that cooking and baking at home has many benefits.  Our love of going to the theater and the movies has been temporarily satisfied via cable tv.  We worship online with our church family in Florida.  I have taken up an old hobby and found fulfillment in giving to others.  Not being able to go to the fitness center, Hubby enjoys his walks around the neighborhood where he spreads his distanced cheer to everyone he meets.

Remarkably we have done very well during these six months.   We have found joy in celebrating the birth of our tenth grandchild, attending the birthday parade for our four-year-old grandson, socially distancing at the Sweet Sixteen birthday of our oldest grandchild and celebrating our Fiftieth Wedding Anniversary with a drive by party.  Each of these occasions, although different than originally planned, was filled with joy and thanksgiving.  The times we could be together with family here have been truly happy times.  Although we realize nothing is normal, and once in a while our gatherings are bittersweet as we realize life as we knew it has changed and we long for the days before Covid and wonder when things will be normal again.

Thus we have learned that our life path in 2020 is challenging. This six months of slipping down the mountainside have not been all rosy and joy-filled.  We have seen neighbors struggle through Covid and recently had a scare of our own.  Hubby has had a recent hospitalization and new diagnosis.  We have learned to deeply appreciate the essential hospital workers in our time of need.  We attended the burial of our son-in-law's father while not feeling we could attend the indoor events.  We have grieved with others while not being able to attend memorial services.  We have prayed for a friend recently diagnosed with returning cancer and we pray for a cousin on Hospice.  We have cried at the deaths and illnesses of so many people here and around the world.  Having children in three countries, we have prayed mightily for each person's safe-keeping as well as for our friends and families in many areas.  We prayed as our daughter gave birth in the Spring during the height of the coronavirus pandemic in Chicago and were sad when we could only see our new granddaughter through glass when she came home from the birthing center.  We prayed too as six of our grandchildren in three different countries recently returned to school during a pandemic and as our daughter and son-in-law return to teaching as well.  There have been many challenges for each of us as I know there has been for each of you.    

Although we have been in our home for much of the time, we are well aware of the political climate and the divisiveness in this country and are deeply saddened by it. The Black Lives Matter cause has certainly been on our hearts and minds as well, as it directly impacts our family, and as it challenges our personal thoughts and actions.  We have seen long-standing friendships and family relationships challenged in light of so many issues in our world. We have seen truth marginalized and no cohesiveness of thought in our local community or our country. Instead of coming together in difficult times, relationships have been torn apart.  There has been much to deal with and to consider during 2020 and much to pray about indeed!  Who had any idea the 2020 path would be so filled with pitfalls?

Yes, I am still clinging on as I work to stay on my path.  I have learned many things:  Virtual hugs do not feel the same, but poignantly mean the same.  Don't take anything or anyone for granted.  Respect for each other is more important than ever.  Encouragement means so much.  My ideas may be different than yours but that doesn't mean they are wrong.  The sun still rises and sets each day.  God still sits on His throne and Jesus still lives in my heart.  Family and friendships are still the most precious gifts we have and relationships need to be cherished and cultivated.  Kindness matters and can be expressed digitally as well as in person.  Safety and security matters to everyone.  Journalistic integrity still matters.  Science still matters. Actions still matters.  Faith still matters.  Babies are still being born and people are still dying.  We have a finite time on this planet.  Hate, fear and lies are not beneficial.  Truth and facts matter.  Caring for and working towards the common good still matters.  So many lessons and thoughts as I reflect!

As far as I've gone in one year, I am amazed at the strength I still have in spite of the slips, falls, missteps, mistakes, illnesses, joys and sorrow I have encountered.  I am a different person this September than last September and hopefully a better one.  So many days of this path seemed difficult but wow, what character they have built in me.  I was so weak some days, but God saw me through.  Whether I was weak or strong, sad or happy, anxious or in peace He remained the same, and thus my journey continues knowing this to be true.  I walk forward and hope that my response to my journey in some way uplifts you as you travel along.  As I have said for many years to strangers and friends alike, "We're all in this together."

The path of 2020 had a beginning and will have an end.  On December, 31st we will reach the end of this path and at midnight I believe we will all rejoice that it is over.  No doubt we will feel like we have completed a marathon.  We will begin a yet unknown 2021.  Hopefully we enter it just a little wiser and a whole lot stronger, remembering the many life lessons we are learning this year.  We each can build on what we have learned about ourselves, about our families, about the society we live in and perhaps societies that seem foreign to us, and about the planet we share.  May we bring our best selves into the future as we reflect on the lessons we have incorporated along the way.  

May joy and peace, wisdom and hope, patience and gratitude, faith and love, along with sweetness and harmony be yours wherever your path leads.

Walking

Do you remember what you were doing on Sunday afternoon, May 25th, 1986?  Our young family of five along with my Grandpa Beezy in a wheelchair and my dear Aunt Ginny, and neighbors and friends from the community were standing in the middle of the closest major intersection near our house in a little community about an hour south of Chicago.  It was the Hands Across America event designed to raise awareness and contributions towards hunger and homelessness.  The concept was to form a human chain across our country.  Holding hands was to be a symbol of our unity as a nation.

Wow, have times changed!  Now, suddenly we are asked to distance ourselves, not only as a practical life-saving strategy but also because we care about each other.  Six feet suddenly seems like the greatest distance in the world!  

Oh, to hold a hand right now!

Thus far, in my walk through this uncertain time, I am constantly reminded of what I always took for granted.  I could make a long list of these precious things currently missing from my life, as could each of you.  We are daily, even moment by moment, reminded of these things.  No matter how long my list might be however, on the top of that list is the ability to give and receive a hug.

Three days ago my seven-year-old granddaughter, along with her daddy and mommy came knocking on our patio door as a surprise.  They brought smiles, encouragement and a couple of grocery items.  Yesterday my three-year-old grandson came to play in our backyard while his daddy and pregnant mommy sat several feet away from us on the patio.  Having only seen these dear ones on a device screen for several days, it was delightful to see them in person!  However the yearning to touch them and hug them was unbearably sad.  Emotions I have never felt came pouring out of some place I had never gone to before.

Yes, for each of us the life we had has changed forever.  Perhaps only in a movie could we have imagined this life we are now living, the plot of which would have seemed like fiction three weeks ago.  Oh, it was so much easier when this story was taking place on the other side of the world.  We could watch the news and think, thank goodness that's not happening here.  

For me it was a bit too real as I have two families I love dearly who are living in the far east.  My son and my daughter and their families were closer to the epicenter of disaster and that made it more worrisome for me.  However, it was still far away from my daily life, and perhaps to shelter my own response, I kept my emotions in check.  

Now, not only one country, or one region share this awful thing, but the entire world shares it.  This is the reality.  This is the fact.  This is how the world is connected, and a result of how the world is connected.  We can debate who did what to make it worse or who made the best decisions along the way but the fact is we, the world, are all in this together.  If we debate, let our discourse be for the common good and to prevent this from ever happening again.

The tragic losses, the physical and emotional suffering, the fear of the unknown, the loss of control and the major and minor daily inconveniences are our new reality.  None of us knows what the next hour or the next day will bring.  The only thing we can do is to keep walking through this.

I choose to walk through this new reality living my best life possible right now.  Oh yes, there have been tears.  I let them flow and then I take a moment to refocus and get on with my walk. I am going to follow scientific data that indicates social distancing is the best thing for me, for my immediate family living in three different countries, for my neighbors and community and for the potential benefit to every single person in the world.  I am going to encourage you to do the same.  I am going to be grateful for all the people who are on the front lines.  Their sacrifice is truly incredible! I am staying busy within my own little world hopefully still contributing by sewing masks and by staying in touch and encouraging each of you.  I am going to pray that good things can come out of what we are going through, and of course I am praying for a swift end to this world pandemic as well as our safe keeping.  

Gratitude, along with distancing and encouraging and praying and walking is all I can do. It is also everything I can do.  In my mind the way the 2020 version of Hands Across America (and the World) works is that we are standing six feet apart from each other, but perhaps when we have walked through this time together we will be closer than ever.   Our new perspective will have forever changed. May we be willing to learn the lessons form this walk and have a better understanding of what is truly important!

Keep walking!  

Keep loving!

And oh yes, keep hoping that hugs will never be restricted again!