I gaze adoringly, along with my brothers, at the newest member of our family--ANOTHER BOY. The photo is darling, but I must tell you that when I heard, at the tender age of eight, that my newest sibling was another brother, I was quite disappointed. I had dreamed of a baby sister to love and care for. I thought it would be so much fun to dress her up like a little doll and be a second mother to her.
Obviously, when my youngest brother was a toddler, I did pretend he was a little girl and dressed him in the clothing of my Raggedy Ann doll. Do you think I got a moment of satisfaction pretending he was a girl? Perhaps, for a moment I smiled, but then again perhaps I was learning one of the many lessons one learns when having a sibling. Maybe, just maybe, it was the first time I learned that you cannot make someone into something they are not.
The years have passed, so quickly it seems, from the age of innocence to retirement age. And yet, I am still learning from my siblings. This summer I learned to truly appreciate the gifts each of my siblings has, while overlooking some of the traits that have irritated me in the past. Moving my Mother from her home to an Independent Senior Living facility and packing up a lifetime of memories, with the help of my brothers, allowed for my personal growth.
Things I thought I had already learned were learned again. I learned to speak my own mind and I learned to listen to the ideas of others. I learned how satisfying it is to work together towards a goal. I learned that everyone contributes in his/her own way. I learned that it is okay to have feelings and also that if I get my feelings hurt, I will still be alright. I learned to respect others and to expect respect. I learned that each person sees the world from a different vantage point, and that that is the way things are. I learned compassion by being compassionate. I learned patience by being patient. I learned love by loving.
But really, hadn't I learned all of those things growing up in a family with three other siblings? Yes, I know that I had, but it was indeed a nice refresher course--one that was apparently needed.
Not only did I grow up in a family of four siblings, I helped produce a family that has four siblings--my own four children, one boy and three girls.
I wanted a large family, just like my parents had because I realized that having siblings to share life's journey is one of the best teachers a person can have. I wanted my children to learn the give and take that only comes by growing up with give and take. I wanted them to learn that their opinion, although valid, is not the only one to be heard. I wanted them to embrace diversity and yet love unconditionally. I wanted them to learn that everyone falls short sometimes and also that by falling short, one can learn many valuable things. I wanted them to learn the joy of forgiveness and the power of a hug.
Without siblings, perhaps our flaws would never by pointed out. Where else would we learn that we are not perfect, that we can sometimes be a jerk or that we are not as smart or as pretty or as talented as someone else? I wanted them to learn that life isn't always fair. Siblings teach us so many things that prepare us for life in the real world.
I know I am still learning from my brothers. They have each turned out to be wonderful multi-talented men who are an asset to the world. Each is so different from the other! Each of them show their love for me in different ways, but I know I am loved deeply. Growing up with them certainly made me the person I am today and I am blessed to rest in my place in the family.
My hope and prayer for my own children is that each continues to love, appreciate and accept each of their siblings for who they are. I want them to cherish the fact that they are who they are today because of the influence of growing up in a large family. I hope they can be themselves and acknowledge the strengths and diversity of each of their siblings.
My advice to each of my children is to totally enjoy the times you are together with your siblings. Relish the relationships you have. Learn to live and let live. Forgive and forget any hurts. Love unconditionally. Remember that contentment comes from within and bitterness only hurts yourself. Don't wait until retirement age (or another minute) to love the way you want to be loved, accept the way you want to be accepted and appreciate the best in each of your siblings. If you can do that to the people you share your parents with....then you can go do it for anyone...and what amazing people you will be in the world.
...and yes Rob, I have gotten over the fact that you are not a girl...and I love you just the way you are! What a grand life lesson--to know that disappointments don't last forever--and that things that appear so negative at first can help teach amazing love and acceptance. Perhaps your coming into my life helped prepare me for the acceptance I would need in great quantity in midlife. You have my love and appreciation always.....and Bill and Steve, you do too!
