I have many scars! My hands and wrists alone tell quite a story. If you looked carefully you would find over twelve surgical scars, some directly on top of another. My now thin wrinkled skin has been opened again and again often in the same place. The right wrist is fused and the left has been replaced more than once.
Surprisingly I am thankful for every one of my scars! You see, each scar tells a story and each one also shows me all that God has brought me through. Each one is a reminder of a difficult, frustrating and painful time, from which I have survived...and not only survived but thrived! And of course along the way, in addition to the scars my spirit has gained empathy, compassion, patience, understanding, purpose and strength. My faith has been tested and my faith has grown. I have witnessed the miracle of a wound healing over and over again. Yes, each one tells a story and I do indeed cherish every one.
No one would wish for my health history. I have been wheeled into an operating room for surgery fifty-one times! Fifty-one times I have felt that moment of saying good-bye to the dearest people in my life and have then been wheeled into a gleaming room surrounded by strangers. Fifty-one times I have thankfully been "put to sleep" one way or another, many times with a general anesthesia, each time hoping that I would wake up again following surgery. Only once did I wake up during surgery.. Fifty-one times I have awoken in a recovery room, thrilled to be alive, but bombasted with pain, trusting implicitly that the one recovery room nurse assigned to be my helper and defender would do their best for me. Fifty-one times I have waited for the news...."Things went just great" or sometimes, "Things did not go as planned". One of those times I was told thankfully, "No there is no cancer". Four times found me saying goodbye to a baby I had only begun to love because my body rejected the pregnancy.
Fifty-one times I have faced "The Recovery" and all it entails. I have willingly or not moved into that phase which always is accompanied by pain, emotion and change. This phase often requires bracing and therapy, and sometimes ICU stays, tube feeds, hallucinations, infection control, medication side effects and any number of things I never even imagined. I now am missing several body parts, and I count on titanium and bone grafts to hold me together in several places. I can't begin to even count the number of times, complications have been part of my recoveries. No, no one would wish for my health history, but without fail, fifty-one times God has brought me through it all and therein lies the true blessing!
My most recent scars turned from the expected one in the front of the neck to another even more extensive scar on the back of my neck. Two months ago I checked into a major teaching hospital for a standard ACDF surgery, a fusion in the area of the neck to alleviate pain in the left upper extremity. I chose a renowned surgeon. Do you think things went as planned? No they did not. I awoke from the surgery with an amazing recovery room nurse attending to my vitals and pain level, only to be told by my daughter who soon appeared with Hubby dear, that "things did not go as planned". Honestly, I was not even surprised. Four days later, after shedding a few tears, I headed back to the OR for a second surgery. This one involved more vertebrae, a second more painful incision, a longer time in surgery and an eight-day stay in the hospital rather than one. My recovery has been rocky and is still a work in progress.
And so on this Thanksgiving, I give thanks to God, who has been my constant through all of my journey. He knew just days before my milestone birthday of 70 years, that I would be challenged once again. He knows that my energy is still low and how much I want to get on with life. He knows how the fusion is fusing or if it is not. He knows when my strength will be fully restored. And so I rest in Him and find peace, and I find joy where I can. I am so thankful for my husband and my two nearby daughters and their families who are my primary source of support. On Thanksgiving and always, I give thanks for these treasured gifts of family, faith and healing.
Finally I wish for you a very Happy Thanksgiving! As you cherish those dear, dear people in your own life who mean so much to you, and as you enjoy perhaps a little too much turkey and trimmings tomorrow, I hope you count your many blessings. Among those I hope you too can be thankful for your scars, seen or unseen, because they are the character builders that make you the person you are today. You wouldn't be you without them.
