Reacting to a phone call from my mother, I jumped into the car. It actually was just another one of the phone calls we have received with some regularity notifying us that she was in the Emergency Room. Very independent at age 94, she said, "I am in the ER because I fell. I didn't want to bother you but they told me I should call someone." It was my grandson's first birthday and our family was excited about his party just three days away.
Not knowing what to expect, I entered her ER room to find her in good spirits as usual. Lying on a cot, she was in a great deal of back pain. She told me that she had turned and taken just a couple steps away from her walker to grab something from the table. I groaned inwardly as I had told her many times not to do that.
That's the facts of what changed the rest of my mother's life and my first reaction was anger at her for doing something I didn't think she should have done.
Six weeks have transpired since that day. Details could fill pages so I will only present highlights:
An ER doctor suggesting I should take my mother home when she could not even sit up.
ER scans that didn't include the injured area.
A week of severe disabling pain passing before further testing was done.
The diagnosis of a compression fracture following a terribly painful ordeal of a test.
The promise of the surgical procedure providing immediate relief.
Hospital and nursing home staff that are amazing and those who are just the opposite.
Pain, phone calls, family visits, money concerns, social workers, Angst.
Moving into a nursing home twice.
Falling in a nursing home when the CNA walks away.
Knowing the best outcome is leaving independent living and moving to assisted living.
Challenging a facility for their neglect.
Closing out my mother's apartment without her there.
Sorting through so much stuff and wondering why things were so important.
Losing mobility and strength and imagining life forever changed.
Hmm, guess there were a lot of highlights! My mother lived through that and so much more! I lived through that and so much more!
Oh, when did this life crisis become about me? Apparently it has taken six weeks to realize that even though my emotions have been on a roller coaster and I am physically exhausted, my life will go on pretty much the same. It is my 94 year old mother who lost her cherished independence, went through day after day of excruciating pain, and came out looking at an uncertain future.
Six long, demanding weeks for me to realize what my mother truly needs. She did need me and my siblings to step up to the plate and help make hard decisions. She needed me to be a liaison when talking to medical staff at several times and several places. Her ears don't work well anymore so she needed me to listen and explain what she could not hear. She needed me to listen when she was in pain or frustrated. She needed me to be her daughter. Some days I was good at giving and some days my emotions or my own pain or fatigue seemed to get in the way.
What a journey this has been!
Maybe this time has been a time for reflecting also. Who could begin to count what my mother has given me? How were things during my first few weeks of life for my mother? Do you suppose she gave and gave until she was exhausted? Perhaps her emotions were on a roller coaster then. She had so much to do just to keep a household together and care for her two small children. Do you think she always had someone to listen to her? Was she ever frustrated? Perhaps I could have been a better daughter now for I know she was a good mother then. Maybe I still have some things to learn.
Fortunately life goes on for both my mother and me. I hope we have learned from this hard time and go forward even stronger.
I wonder what tomorrow will bring? I hope whoever needs me, I will be ready.
