I was eating lunch today at Baker's Square with a dear friend when my cell phone rang. Ordinarily, out of respect to my fellow diners and my friend, I would not have taken the call. After glancing at the phone, and seeing that it was my son calling, I immediately answered. He lives in a far-away country and so I took the call without hesitation.
For ten minutes, the rest of the world melted away while I talked to my 35-year-old baby boy. After discussing how life was going for each of us, he asked me what kind of pie I was going to have. I must admit, I did get tickled over his question and when I told him my choice was Lemon Supreme, he asked me what that meant. He wanted me to describe my choice to him. I attempted to explain what the pie was like as I gazed at the flip chart photo on the table. We said good-bye and I ordered my pie.
I shared the conversation with my friend seated across from me. She smiled wisely and said, "The pie question is where you really connected. That's what made the conversation meaningful. That's what made him your boy."
She was right. That funny little question had made me smile and feel connected half way around the world.
What is it that makes a family a family? How does that connection work? I know it is much more than biology. Yes, we all share the same DNA, but we share so much more as well. We share ancestors and all the stories they have told. We share the occasions of life itself and we share memories of many, many times together. We share beliefs and ideas.
In the time and space of living together, something almost magical happens. We begin to know so much about each other that we can often understand where the other person is coming from when no words are said at all. A bond is formed while eating at the dinner table or playing a game together, and even if family members are separated, there is always a link that will bring back a memory and touch a heart.
I grew up with a mom and dad and three brothers along with many extended family members. I then married and raised four children and now also have two grandchildren, a daughter-in-law and a son-in-law. Each member of my family is unique. Each member of my family is interesting. Each member of my family has an opinion on everything. Not one of them thinks exactly like the other one and not one of them thinks exactly like me. Their diverseness is a good thing.
My family members love to laugh, and in general make jokes over almost anything. Gathering together often brings lots of loud conversation, smiles and teasing. We seem to find joy in the little things in life. Other times conversation can be more serious and feelings need to be addressed. And sometimes, there are difficult and painful times to share as well. No matter what the situation however, we come together and support each other whenever possible. We welcome new additions into our clan. As life changes, our family grows.
Some of this vast array of characters lives far away from me, and from each other, and some of them live just down the street. Each one enriches my life and makes me the person I am. I care about them, pray for them and wish them every good thing whether I see them often or talk to them often or not. After all, they are my family. They help frame how I see the world. They are part of my whole. I believe that God designed my family and that He put us together for a purpose.
Growing together as a family is an ongoing process and a complex one indeed. Distance sometimes make it more difficult to communicate just because we each get busy with our own lives. But I believe that even then, when words remain unsaid, the bond of family continues and only a little spark, like the pie conversation, can help remind each of us of the love that has always been there--and will always be there.
So to each member of my family, wherever in the world you are, when you sit down tonight and eat dessert, pretend that I am sitting right there next to you asking you what kind of pie you are having. Then know that what I am really saying is, "I love you and I always will."
