Change

Here we are.  

Another year has almost passed.  

We have lived with a pandemic for nearly two years.

It is time to evaluate.

For me, the one constant is change.

Well yes, you say, we have all had to make many changes, especially related to the pandemic and fighting it.  Who could have imagined two years ago that such a divide could occur on thoughts and practices?  Who knew that democracy would be on the line?  Who knew how much science would be questioned?  Who knew there would be such economic upheaval?  Topics such as these certainly reflect change, however, debating, discussing, or lingering over those questions is not on my agenda today.  The change in my life is of a much more personal type.

Did I imagine as 2020 began that within months an entire family that I love could just be gone from my life?  The depth of loss is astounding.  There are days that this change is simply ignored or even denied as tasks and diversions assist me in...just not going there.  And there are days that I can hardly catch a breath when I think of the loss.  As these moments come and go, both my mind and emotions, along with memories, take over and drag me along for a bit.  Questions come and go in that place, but ultimately peace and acceptance pull me back to the everyday life I live.  

Tears flow easily these past several months.  My eight-year-old granddaughter knows when to look at my face to see if they are coming.  She knows however, that most of the time, the tears are coming because I am happy to be together and simply being very sentimental.  For, you see, the changes that have come my way have left me very aware of how precious relationships are, and how much I cherish the ones that are still intact. 

I do not take any person for granted any more.

When there is a moment of joy, I cherish it.  

When laughter comes, I literally feel it.  

As sadness creeps in, I feel it too, and let it teach me.  

As places in my heart are emptied, I learn that life can go on.

As my lifelong faith is challenged, I lean on the peace that passes understanding.

In the midst of change, I cling to the one who is unchangeable.  And quite simply that is the essence of how I continue on as not only a functional seventy-four year old lady, but as a loving, full-of-life person who literally finds joy in bringing joy, and at the same time manages to climb out of the dark places that can sideline me at times.  My relationship with Christ, in spite of unimaginable circumstances, or physical and emotional pain, keeps me going.  I also bask in the light of the relationships which are still intact, and hopefully act in a way that people can feel that essence of love and appreciation.  I move forward surrounded by people and faith that uplift me.

It is the holiday season; a time where feelings run deep.  After so many holidays, the truth my mother taught me when I was a young woman has become apparent.  The truth that, as many celebrate these winter holidays many others find it difficult to maneuver through the festivities.  Memories and emotions and reality all have to be dealt with as we celebrate traditions, faith and family.  For me there is often happiness and memories waiting to be made as I anticipate events.  Tomorrow I look forward to baking Christmas cookies with some of my grandchildren.  I can already see the mess and hear their giggles!  At the very same time I yearn for a relationship with some of my other grandchildren.  I mourn not seeing their smiles or hearing their laughter.  These feelings of joy and loss are part of this time of change in which I personally live.  Somewhere in me lives hope that change can come again and relationships can be renewed and restored.  And so the spirit of Christmas does abound in my heart and faith in miracles certainly exists!  

My writing has always been cathartic.  Also, I find joy in thinking that as my readers wander through my ramblings, they are inspired to find some bit of truth that is relatable.  As you ponder your life, and look ahead to the holidays and the upcoming year, I hope and pray that you find peace and contentment that helps you move forward each day in such a way that you can adapt to change and find acceptance in what comes.  Also, please, please cherish each person in your life!  

To quote the melody wafting through my head at the moment...."Love and joy come to you, and to you glad Christmas too.  And God bless you and send you a happy new year.  And God send you a happy new year!

Yes, I'm tearing up as I finish writing...