Agoo

Every newborn is an absolute miracle!  The delicate pure skin, the eyes that can search your soul and the first sounds of communication are always amazing. Even though I have observed many babies before, I am in awe around newborns.

When the newborn happens to be my grandchild, the love immediately flows between us.  And this was the case when I met my fifth grandchild, Michael. In total joy, I gazed at him and marveled at the perfection.  Having traveled some 7000 miles to see him, I thanked God for this beautiful gift of life...and for another addition to our family.  

During the normal process of development, somewhere in the second to third months of life, Michael began to say, "agoo."  Now, I know that every baby, everywhere in the world says agoo, but what made this sound so special to me was the delight it elicited in his parents.  

Michael's parents were indeed happy and proud to tell me how he could make the sound with different intonations.  Indeed, during his recent visits, he said the word often and we all laughed, mimicked the sound and cheered him on with his communications skills.

I was taken back to 1976 when I was a first-time mother.  I remember the pure joy of each day I felt with my child (Michael's daddy).  Every detail, every feature of this little creature was the focus of my entire waking time.  The shape of his mouth, eyes and ears were detailed in my mind as I stared and stared at this little person in my arms.  I was fascinated too with his early language--agoos with many different tones.  Although tired and sleep-deprived, I was convinced that my child was truly the most amazing thing in the world. 

There is such a freshness in parenthood with the first child!  I enjoyed immensely watching Michael's parents enjoy him, just as I happily reflected on my memories of being a young parent.

The memories of my children saying agoo brought a smile to my face as little Michael visited us and frequently "talked" to us.  It made me remember how special that little sound is.  

Yes, I think Michael is just perfect.  I understand him well.  His agoo means:

     I love you.
     
       Thank you for taking care of me.

     Thanks for being patient with me.

     Thanks for loving me unconditionally.

     Thank you for feeding me, wiping my face, laying me down, picking me up,         changing my clothes, putting my hat on, taking my hat off, changing my           diaper, bathing me, keeping me warm, keeping me cool, singing me                   songs, and so much more. 

Yes, I will miss Michael's language now that he has gone back home, but I think I will forever remember the great discussions we had in the very early months of his life.

Mister Michael, Grandma promises to listen to you always...whether you speak in words or not.  I love you!

Friendship

Amazingly the tears dropped from my eyelids once the right question was asked.  Totally sheltered by the circle of friends who knew everything about me for some thirty-five years, i cried.  The round table at Panera's became my safe place on a Saturday morning.

Friendship is one of life's most amazing gifts!  The people who choose to know me, accept me, love me and encourage me are priceless, and in fact I can't imagine my life without them.

When I began crying in the restaurant, my five friends gathered at the table with me needed no explanation.  They had been walking hand in hand with me for decades and knew the depth of my distress, the source of my anxiety and the challenges I face without my having to go into detail.  Knowing the entire person is one of the best features of true friendship.  No pretense is needed.  No phony smiles are required.  To be oneself, totally vulnerable, and yet totally sheltered in the arms of another, is the essence of friendship.

Of course, friendship is also tremendous when things are going just great too!  The smiles, the stories, the laughter, the shared memories are precious and indeed carry me along through life.  And the longer we live, the more memories there are to keep us going and I find that I treasure these precious girlfriends more than ever and I cherish my time with them.

Pictured above are the dear girls who shared the table at Panera's with me.  They along with other special women have known me for a long time.  Pictured below is my childhood girlfriend and although we have only seen each other twice as adults, the moment we are together we are profoundly connected and still share many common interests. 

I am also blessed to have new girlfriends when I winter in Florida.  Although I have not known them nearly as long, we already have a kinship.  It seems that women just know how to care about each other.  In that caring, which seems to come so naturally, is an intensity that touches the soul.

The lyrics of the song I learned as a Brownie Girl Scout come to mind often:  Make new friends, but keep the old.  One is silver and the other gold. I find the song to be so true and I find that each of my friends, old or new, add such a wealth to my life.  They are indeed a priceless treasure.

And so to each of you girls, and you know who you are, I extend so much gratitude that you cannot even hold it all. I am sending it to you each time we write, each time we talk and each time we see each other so you will never ever be empty.  You will know that I am there for you when life is good or when life is tragic.  I love you for being you...and I love you for knowing me!

Perspective

When I was a young girl growing up in a loving family, I thought that 65 sounded very very old.  Now that I am 65 I think it sounds pretty young.

When I was young I thought that 90 sounded ancient and almost unachievable by most people.  Now that my mother is 90, I realize it is attainable and indeed marvelous to comprehend that I too could reach that age.

Perspectives change.

I find it interesting to think of how my children see me now through the eyes of young adults aged 23 through 37. 

Most of the time we are good friends and age is seemingly not important although there might be some joking about age now and then.  We seem to enjoy each other and I relate pretty well to each of these four special people and the four additional people who they have come to love.

What I find, now that I am Social Security age, is that on occasion one or another of my offspring uses the word, "should" when speaking to me and I know that their advice is coming to me whether asked for or not.  It is on these occasions that I say a silent prayer asking for patience.

You see, I feel that I still have all my faculties intact and therefore I do not need lessons on what food I should have in my kitchen or how I should feel about this or that.  I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions and thus I usually bristle inside when I find myself in this situation.  My defensive attitude rises and I begin to think that my children see me as old and addled.  

Once I can reflect on comments I often try to disassociate who told me what to do and think on whether the advice was sound or not.  It is indeed an effort for me to do this silent evaluation but it is worthwhile.  Often I realize I raised smart, caring kids and their thoughtful analysis is correct or at least worth consideration.

My response gives me an idea of how my mother must feel now when I tell her to wear her boots in the snow or use her cane.  My comments generally come from a good place in my heart and I am concerned with her safety, but perhaps she feels as I do when my kids use the "You should" approach with me.

Ultimately I suppose that I could just relax on receiving advice from my children and giving advice to my mother.  I guess there is nothing wrong with sound information flowing from generation to generation as long as the suggestions are given in love.

Perspectives change--for all of us--and I suppose my children are not too old to also take a few "You should"s from me once in a while too.

Sunshine

Have you ever experienced one of those moments when you felt as if sunshine was pouring into your heart?  Happiness then overflowing to all of your senses, your day continued in a glorious haze of light and joy.

Yesterday was such a day for me.  

Everything I did, mundane or otherwise, caused giggles in my soul.  The joy I was experiencing rubbed off on each person with whom I communicated.  One of my friends even suggested that God was spoiling me.  I happily agreed and accepted that I have been truly blessed.

Such exquisite days help me have hope.  Such golden days keep me going when times can be a bit difficult or when pain undermines the sublime that would fill my heart.  

My computer screen transported me somewhere over the rainbow yesterday and I am filled with color and love and amazement and gratitude.

May tomorrow be such a day for you.

Dreamer

What do you dream, my little dear?  

Will my Mommy always be near?

  And will my Daddy shelter me?

Will big sister always see

How much I trust her to be

Loving and giving and caring of me?

Will the world be kind to us

As a brave new family we will be?

Will joy accompany all we do?

And harmony be the song we sing

As living together love we bring?

Will days be warm and filled with sun?

Will bumps be soft and rain be light?

Will hurts be few and learning bright?

Will fireflies play in the evening grass

As butterfly kisses whisper from me?

Will happiness fall over me

While tickles and bubbles cover me?

Will surprises be fun and rainbows near?

Will blankets snuggle away any pain

And will Grandma's cheek be soft for me?

Will angels all around me fly

While God in heaven smiles wide?

Will marvels and miracles fill my days

As I live and learn and love

And giggle and kiss and coo?

What do you dream, my little dear?

Circles

Have you ever played with shaving cream smeared on a table?  It is fun--especially with a small child.  The happy interest, the joy of trying something you have never tried before, the delighted squeals, the delicious feel when squeezing your fingers together all added to my grandson's excitement when we played together this summer...

...THIS SUMMER.  Oh my, this summer when so many life events collided into each other at a such a rapid pace.  In more or less chronological order:

                         --announcement of grandchild # 4 on the way
                         --hosting a wedding shower
                         --daughter beginning a new job
                         --guests arriving from several corners of the world
                         --the birth of grandchild # 3 in Texas
                         --a surprise 90th birthday party
                         --a daughter's wedding
                         --babysitting a seven-year-old for nine days
                         --a trip to Texas to help with a new baby
                         --losing my dear sweet Aunt to that awful cancer
                         --a mini-vacation to Michigan with girlfriends
                         --a daughter & her family moving in for an extended stay

And it is only mid August!  Yes, the events, when placed in a list, sound so simple and straight-forward and for the most part are happy occasions.  However, if you could read between the lines you would find lots of details, lots of emotions and lots of stress interwoven throughout.

Well, well, well--so living life is hard work.  Is that my conclusion? 

Oh wait, did I forget all the joy that filled the circle of my life this summer? 

--holding that newborn baby and smelling his sweet head 
--watching my daughter glowing with happiness on her wedding day 
--baking cookies to fill a new mom's freezer 
--feeling hugs and more hugs as friends and family came into our home
--gazing at the ultrasound and finding out "It's a girl"
--having a child come home
--cherishing memories of a life well lived
--unwinding in the arms of friends who know my heart
--being missed by people who love me
--observing the building of a wagon by Grandpa and his little guy
--sharing days of childhood joys with a precious child
--seeing my new son-in-law welcoming my "baby" girls into his heart
--loving conversations with the dear ones in the "Greatest Generation"
--watching the delight of children seeing fireflies for the very first time
                                                and
--an unexpected kiss on the cheek at the end of an exhausting day

This summer has been amazing!  I know that time will mold it into memories that are so intertwined it will be difficult to sort through them.  I will never forget it and as time goes by I hope that the satisfaction of wonderful relationships with family and friends is the overwhelming theme. 

The table pictured above, in a parsonage in a tiny town in Texas, served as a play area as well as an eating area.  One of the first evenings that we sat down together to eat as a family after meeting our new grandchild, we joined hands to ask a blessing on the food.  All of a sudden, my little three-year-old grandson said, "It's a circle!"  He was clever enough to see that even at a rectangular kitchen table, a circle was formed when his family held hands together. 

His sweet innocent comment has been in my mind ever since.  Yes, he is correct, each family makes a circle.  Also, if I were to sum up my world, I would have to use the image of a circle--filled with a never-ending kaleidoscope of events and people and feelings.  This summer was exhausting in so many ways, but it was also a true delight enriched with so many characters.  I thank God for the grace that brought me through and the peace I feel as I wait to see what tomorrow brings.

I am so glad your circle bumped into mine this summer.
                       

  

Things

During the past two days we held a garage sale. 

We took in over five hundred dollars.
The photo above shows what remains to be donated after the sale.

People today own a lot of stuff.

What makes us want to accumulate so much?  When I was growing up I don't think there were climate-controlled storage units and container stores in every town.  When did we get to be a society that collects things and even hoards things?

When and why did things become so important?

Why do I feel so much better today, knowing that so much extra stuff is gone from my house?

Why do I feel cleansed after clearing out some clutter?

Oh, those profound life questions! 

I know for myself I grew up in the post-war era of the fifties when my parent's goal seemed to be giving my brothers and myself everything possible.  It was an admirable goal and a logical one from people who grew up during the Great Depression.  My mother was also a person who found joy in chronicling our life journey in photographs and with memorabilia, so not only did we acquire many things, we also kept every bit of history that we could, including napkins from our birthday parties and programs from dance recitals.

It was logical then, that when I was old enough to think for myself, I also wanted to acquire things and maintain the history.  I now have several collections and many many scrapbooks and photo albums.  Along with many Americans I also have rooms in my house that are not being used and numerous things that soon become redundant and irrelevant or are replaced due to the need for newer things and more innovative technology.

Now that I am in that magical medicare year--the year I turn 65--"things" are losing their appeal and relationships are by far the more important aspect of my life.  Thus, selling things the past few days was emotionally freeing and exquisitely exciting.  Well, perhaps I exaggerate, but my point is, I am glad that I am no longer attached to things in the same way I used to be, and I encourage you too, no matter what your age, to find more pleasure and satisfaction in people and relationships than in the things that money buys. 

The garage sale was only a step in the right direction for me.  I hope to continue to go through the things I have accumulated and keep clearing the clutter.  As I do so, I find satisfaction in the lessons learned along the journey.  Whether I have the answers to life's great questions or not, I am glad that I have learned that...

...the best things in life aren't things.

From a stitchery that hangs in my hallway:

My house is filled with objects dear

And memories of yesteryear

But treasured even more than these

Is love of friends and family